Self-Talk

“The most influential and frequent voice you hear is your inner-voice. It can work in your favor or against you, depending on what you listen to and act upon.”
–Maddy Malhotra

Self-talk: the talking you do in your own head about yourself and the things that happen, your own “running commentary” on your life.

Every human being engages in self-talk. It is automatic and often unnoticed. Patterns and habits within our self-talk begin during childhood and often continue to occur into adulthood. There can be positive self-talk or negative self-talk, and both have a MAJOR impact on the way we feel, think, and behave.

I know I am not alone when I say that my self-talk could use a makeover. Let’s face it, if you live in this world, negative self-talk can develop much more easily than positive self-talk. Have you ever been judged or criticized by someone? Have you ever done something you regret? Have you ever failed to meet some standard? Do you look differently than you want to look? Have you ever been told you should be something you’re not? If so, chances are that you have experienced or developed some degree of negative self-talk at some point in your life.

During this past week or so, I decided to really challenge my negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk. In order to do so, I had to become hyper aware of it. I was blown away by how AUTOMATIC and FREQUENT my negative self-talk was. It’s almost as if I have this recording playing in the background ALL day long. No wonder why it is so hard for me to believe I’m valuable! I basically have a voice of condemnation and disapproval playing at all times!

Here is the sad part: even though this negative self-talk totally makes me feel like crap, it also makes me feel COMFORTABLE and gives me a false sense of SECURITY. It provides a sense of comfort because it is familiar. It provides a sense of security because it prepares me for the negative voices I may hear from other individuals. Think about it, if you criticize and reject yourself harsher than anyone else ever could, you will be prepared to face any potential criticism or rejection from other people. You are setting yourself up to be able to withstand criticism and rejection that you MIGHT one day experience in the real world.

BUT, even though negative self-talk can be easier and more comfortable than positive self-talk, it is HIGHLY destructive. It can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, a lack of motivation, isolation, and so much more. It can also cause individuals to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I realized that my negative self-talk NEEDED to change. It holds us back from experiencing fullness in life and from being able to fully help other people. It robs us of joy and intimacy in relationships. Our negative self-talk WILL eventually affect the people around us whether we like it or not. More importantly, it keeps us from fully experiencing God’s love and grace, and can form a wedge in our relationship with Him. When our perceptions of ourselves do not align with His perception of us, we experience a disconnect and are unable to fully live into His love.

So, here is the challenge: catch the negative self-talk, dispute it with TRUTH, and let God change it. It can be hard at first and can feel overwhelming because of how frequently negative self-talk occurs, BUT it is possible AND worth it.

I’ll share some examples from my own experience:
–Negative self-talk: You shouldn’t be feeling that emotion. You should be fine. Get over it.
–Challenge: It’s okay that I feel emotions. I was created with emotions and each one is valid. God, I give this emotion to You.

–Negative self-talk: You look awful. Your body is so embarrassing. Everyone is thinking about how bad you look.
–Challenge: My body is exactly the way God created it to be. My strong legs enable me to do beautiful jumps in dance class. People who love me probably don’t value me based on my physical appearance, and if they do, they are not people I want to have as friends. God, help me to see my body the way You see it, and help me to accept and appreciate it.

–Negative self-talk: You are such a failure and disappointment to everyone. You will always struggle with this. You are hopeless.
–Challenge: I am unconditionally loved and accepted by God and the people who matter most. My worth is not based on my performance or appearance. I am inherently valuable and lovable. That is a fact. God is faithful to complete a work in me and even though I cannot see it, He is transforming me RIGHT NOW. God, help me to believe this truth.

There are many ways you can do this challenge. I like to write it in my journal. I also like to include truths or promises from the Bible. If you want to share an example, leave a comment on this post.

I read something this week from Robert S. McGee that said,

“If you think of yourself differently than God thinks of you, who is mistaken, you or God? How often do we allow our minds to overrule what God says is true? Keep in mind, you were made by and for God. He has placed within you needs that only He can meet.”

Remember, everything that God says is true about you IS TRUE! He is never mistaken. Let God’s truth overrule your negative self-talk today. He will enable you to challenge every thought and He will be faithful to transform your mind and self-perception.